Impossible to Define
by TheOceanBreathesSalty
Summary: Beck Oliver likes to relate people to songs. BeckJade and BeckTori, Beck's POV. Oneshot. Dislaimed. Review.


Disclaimed. Unbeta'd. Oneshot. First Victorious fic. Please tell me your thoughts.

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(B E C K p o v)

You like to relate the people in your life to songs.

Some are good, some are bad, and there are all types of genre. You've got friends who are country and friends who are pop and it's just so much _simpler_ to make everyone a song.

It's your version of stereotypes.

You don't like to categorize people as **emo** or **goth** or **prep** or **punk** because that's just so _limited_.

People don't fit perfectly into nicely shaped boxes, each one a flawless square or circle or diamond.

People are a _mess_.

They're some continually changing, rapidly moving, always growing mass that shouldn't be confined and pressed into a mold that doesn't fit right.

So you relate people to songs.

Because songs can do that to, have hidden implications and multiple layers and the meaning can change every time you hear the music.

Sometimes it takes you a while, to think of the perfect song to fit someone, but it's always _just right_.

Giving people a song is the only thing that has ever come so easily, so naturally, to you. You wish there were a job like that or something, because it's the only skill that you've put time into perfecting.

But there is no job like that.

So you go to Hollywood Arts when your parents tell you to, because you need to actually learn something besides how to relate people to music.

At least it's _kind of_ like what you wish you could do, there's still music involved and you'll be the first to admit that some of the acting in plays is kind of fun.

Then you meet Jade.

And immediately, you're swept off your feet.

No, really, the first time you met her she knocked you over with a door and then calmly stepped over your prone body on the floor.

In that moment, you fell just a tiny bit in love with her.

That tiny speck of love continued to grow the more you interacted with her. She was cruel and heartless but so _herself_ that you couldn't find it in you to care. You liked the highlights in her hair and her dark clothes and her too heavily made-up eyes.

So you asked her out, all smooth confidence and easy charm, a **will you go to the movies** sliding off your lips, as she looked you up and down as if you were undertaking some evaluation that you were unaware of.

Apparently you passed, because she said yes.

You were stunned when it was two months into the relationship and you realized you had yet to think of a song that was purely _Jade_.

It became your obsession for the next two weeks. You listened to every CD you could get a hold of, stealing friends music and leaving the radio on in the background almost all the time.

And then you heard it.

The perfect _Jade song_ was officially **Plans & Reveries **by_** Black Gold**_. The song was achingly beautiful and spoke of pain that was overcome and gods that were left behind and it reminded you of your girlfriend in every way, especially the end.

**i want more  
give me more  
i want the burn and bliss again  
i want more  
give me more  
i want the burn and bliss again  
i want more  
give me more  
i want the burn and bliss again**

That's how you're entire relationship with Jade _was_. It was a pleasure that burned and a bliss that smoldered and you were always asking for more because she never simply offered.

It wasn't until Tori Vega came to Hollywood Arts that you realized how unhealthy it really was.

Before Tori Vega, you loved Jade and Jade loved you (as much as she was capable of anyways) and everything was _okay_.

Then Tori came.

And Jade dumped coffee on her head and snarled at her and shoved her down in the way that only Jade can. You felt kind of bad, but she was just the new girl. You didn't know her and you weren't planning on getting to know her, so who cared what Jade did? Jade was mean all the time anyways.

But this girl, this new girl with too-long brunette waves and toffee colored skin and vulnerable chocolate eyes, she came back.

She didn't let Jade beat her.

And something like respect welled up inside you, making you speak out against Jade when she once again attempted to slice Tori Vega to pieces uses nothing more than her voice and her eyes. You called Jade immature and something warm slid through you when her eyes glazed with shock and Tori's eyes glinted with appreciation.

You think it might have been pride.

You kissed her with Jade watching, and for the first time in a long time, you began to wonder. You wondered if staying with Jade as the best thing. You asked **what if** and wondered if maybe, just maybe, you could do better.

Maybe there was someone out there that fit you better than Jade.

The realization rocked you to your core and you got home, turned your headphones up way too loud and listened to **Plans & Reveries** on repeat for the next few hours. The lyrics and the beat calmed your suddenly chaotic mind, the music keeping you from focusing on all the questions Tori had unwittingly began.

You loved Jade.

Didn't you?

You needed Jade.

So did love even matter?

You block out your thoughts, trying to ignore all the questions, all the uncertainty.

And the easiest way to accomplish that is to focus on something else. So you decide that you need to find Tori Vega a song.

You know that there has to be one out there somewhere, there has to be some perfect song that fits all that is Tori. There's something that belongs with her, the same way that you found a song to suit Jade and songs to go with everyone else.

But nothing fits.

Three weeks into searching for a song for Tori, and you can't find anything. Nothing's even close. She's so much more difficult than anyone else that you've ever tried to define by song before, even Jade.

So you do something kind of stupid.

You decide to spend more time with her.

You think that maybe if you can get to know her better, you can more easily determine what song fits her. And, yes, you are well aware that spending time with her will throw even more curveballs into your life with Jade.

But you're going to do it anyways.

You start out simple, offering to work with her on class projects and hinting at her to try out so that she gets the lead opposite you in plays. Then it progresses to you asking her to the movies and the bookstore and to go get ice cream, and before you know it, Tori is your entire life.

You stop hanging out with Jade as much because when you're with her, you frown and fight and burn. But with Tori, you can smile and laugh and she doesn't ever burn you, not even close. She's all gentle hugs and excited grins and wonderful innocence and you can't get enough of her.

She has the same quality that first attracted you to Jade, that sense that she is always just _herself_, take her or leave her.

But she isn't hard the way Jade is, she's all soft warmth where Jade is just unbearable heat.

Three months after you start hanging out with Tori, and Jade breaks up with you again. This time isn't like the last time, it isn't about some random blonde socialite and it isn't about lemonade cans for birthday presents. It's about the fact that you aren't in love with her anymore, and she was never in love with you to begin with.

Tori hugs you when you tell her, apologies she doesn't need to make spilling from her mouth as she wraps her arms around you in an attempt to protect you from a hurt that stopped aching long ago.

She whispers that it's okay and that you'll move on and that Jade doesn't know what she's missing. The warmth of her breath seeps from the shell of your ear to the rest of your body, soothing any lingering hurt from your relationship with Jade. You press your face into her neck and wrap your arms around her and hide your smile in her collarbone.

It's another three months after your break-up with Jade before you work up the urge to ask Tori out. You stand there, shaky knees and trembling hands, uncommonly nervous as you ask her to dinner and she smiles when she says yes with no hesitation.

She didn't have any inspections for you to pass.

Two months after that, and you're still happy.

You got the bliss without the burn and everything's good. You can kiss Tori whenever you want and she always kisses back without question. A smile lights up her face whenever she sees you and you laugh more with her than you ever have before. The two of you go out with Andre and Cat on double dates and you nod at Jade when you see her in the halls and still convince Tori to get the leads with you in all the school plays.

Every day, you fall more in love with her smooth, caramel skin and sparkling, brown eyes and tousled, wavy hair. Sometimes, when your iPod is on shuffle and plays **Plans & Reveries**, you feel a sharp nostalgia for too pale skin and blue highlighted hair and eyes that never warm, but it fades pretty quickly.

You've moved on.

And you never falter in your love for Tori Vega.

You still don't have a song that fits her, because she's too much for one song.

And that's okay.

Maybe, one day, you'll find a song that manages to encompass all the amazing that is your girlfriend, but maybe not. Maybe you'll compile a playlist of all the songs that even remotely remind you of her and give it to her on your first anniversary.

It doesn't really matter.

Because you finally found someone that fit you, someone that's impossible to define and unique and absolutely perfect.

You're in a completely healthy relationship with Tori Vega and she's the warmest person that you've ever known.

Things don't get better than that.


End file.
